Animal #3: The Giant Panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca)

The Facts:
Basic info about a sometimes cute, sometimes disgusting teddy bear:

The giant panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca, "black-and-white cat-foot"; Chinese: 大熊貓) is a mammal classified in the bear family, Ursidae, native to central-western and southwestern China.^[1] It is easily recognized by its large, distinctive black patches around the eyes, over the ears, and across its round body. Though belonging to the order Carnivora, the panda has a diet which is 99% bamboo. However, they may eat other foods such as honey, eggs, fish and yams.

The Giant Panda is an endangered animal; an estimated 3,000 pandas live in the wild and over 180 were reported to live in captivity by August 2006 in mainland China(another source by the end of 2006 put the figure for China at 221), with twenty pandas living outside of China. However, reports show that the numbers of wild panda are on the rise.

The giant panda is a favorite of the public, at least partly on account of the fact that the species has an appealing baby-like cuteness that makes it seem to resemble a living teddy bear. The fact that it is usually depicted reclining peacefully eating bamboo, as opposed to hunting, also adds to its image of innocence. Though the giant panda is often assumed docile because of their cuteness, they have been known to attack humans, usually assumed to be out of irritation rather than predatory behavior. However research shows that in cases in which its offspring may be under threat, the panda can and most often will react violently.

The Giant Panda has a very distinctive black-and-white coat. Adults measure around 1.5 m long and around 75 cm tall at the shoulder. Males can weigh up to 115 kg (253 pounds). Females are generally smaller than males, and can occasionally weigh up to 100 kg (220 pounds). Giant Pandas live in mountainous regions, such as Sichuan, Gansu, Shaanxi, and Tibet. While the Chinese dragon has been historically a national emblem for China, since the latter half of the 20th century the Giant Panda has also become an informal national emblem for China. Its image appears on a large number of modern Chinese commemorative silver, gold, and platinum coins.

Until recently, scientists thought giant pandas spent most of their lives alone, with males and females meeting only during the breeding season. Recent studies paint a different picture, in which small groups of pandas share a large territory and sometimes meet outside the breeding season.

Like most subtropical mammals, but unlike most bears, the giant panda does not hibernate.

Despite its taxonomic classification as a carnivore, the panda has a diet that is primarily herbivorous, which consists almost exclusively of bamboo. However, pandas still have the digestive system of a carnivore and do not have the ability to digest cellulose efficiently, and thus derive little energy and little protein from consumption of bamboo. The average Giant Panda eats as much as 20 to 30 pounds of bamboo shoots a day. Because pandas consume a diet low in nutrition, it is important that they keep their digestive tract full.

As the average temperature of the region has increased, the panda has pushed its habitat to a higher altitude and limited available space. Furthermore, the timber profit gained from harvesting bamboo has destroyed a significant portion of the food supply for the wild panda. Because of all these elements the population of wild pandas decreased by 50 percent from 1973-1984 in six areas of Asia.

Twenty-five species of bamboo are eaten by pandas in the wild, but it is hard to live in the remains of a forest and feed on dying plants in a rugged landscape. Only a few bamboo species are widespread at the high altitudes pandas now inhabit. Bamboo leaves contain the highest protein levels; stems have less.

Because of the synchronous flowering, death, and regeneration of all bamboo within a species, pandas must have a least two different species available in their range to avoid starvation. The panda's round face is an adaptation to its bamboo diet. Their powerful jaw muscles attach from the top of the head to the jaw. Large molars crush and grind fibrous plant material. While primarily herbivorous, the panda still retains decidedly ursine teeth, and will eat meat, fish, and eggs when available. In captivity, zoos typically maintain the pandas' bamboo diet, though some will provide specially formulated biscuits or other dietary supplements.
(source = the always reliable wikipedia.org)

Tim's Opinion:

Unlike the coyote and the ostrich, I have intimate knowledge of this animal. I was in China last summer and went to visit the national panda reserve in Chengdu. Let me just tell you, the panda has ZERO chance of killing me in a fight. They are sloths in bear form. These guys just sit on their asses all day and try to look cute. They don't generally look like the crisp, clean white and black that you always see in pictures or in movies. These fools are DIRTY. Most of the pandas we saw were greyish and black. It isn't a very appealing sight. And a majority of the time they are just lounging around, eating bamboo or sleeping. This does not strike terror into my heart.

I'm going to create an equivalent to fighting a the Giant Panda. Do you have someone in your family that is "large?" I'm trying to be as PC as possible about this but do you have someone in your family who just sits on their ass all day, eats Slim Jims and plays video games? So these guys are pushing 250+ and don't really have the most agility. Now imagine that brother, uncle, cousin, etc. drunk off their ass. That is my equivalent to fighting a Giant Panda.

I know what about 99% of you are going to say: "But it's a bear!" Just because it falls under the classification of "bear" doesn't mean it is going to kill me like a polar bear or a grizzly bear would. You have to see these things in action, they are slow, lumbering beast who eat ALL DAY. What do they eat all day?!? BAMBOO! Correct me if I'm wrong but most OTHER bears also fish, hunt and fight for their food. So unless one of these pandas learn kung fu and break off a bamboo stalk and use it as a staff, I'm going to kick the shit out of this panda.

Another fact for those of you who are going to claim the "but it's a bear defense." The panda, at its TALLEST, will be pushing five feet. At it's TALLEST. For everyone that is thinking of a grizzly bear or a brown bear or even a polar bear, lets look at their heights & weights:

Grizzly Bear: 1.7m to 2.8m (5.6 to 9.2 feet!!!)
Polar Bear: 2.4 to 3.0m (7.9 - 10 feet!!!)
Panda Bear: up to 1.5 m (up to 4.8 feet)

Grizzly Bear: 180-680 (400-1500lbs.)
Polar Bears: 300-600kg (660-1320lbs.)
Panda Bear: up to 115kg (253lbs.)

So taking on a panda would be like taking on a polar bear cub. Or a grizzly bear midget (or "little bear" for political correctness.) I really hope a human would be able to take one of these down. Think about your own body mass and height and then realize how short and fat 4.5 feet and 250 pounds is. Then realize they walk on all fours and eat bamboo all day. Please tell me where this vicious idea of a panda comes in. This bear is 4.5 when standing in its HIND LEGS. Which means when it's on all fours it's probably 2 feet tall at the most.

The one issue I'd have is how I'm going to kill the panda...it'd probably have to be the same way as a 250lb. fatty. I'll have to go to town on it for awhile as it can probably take a SUBSTANTIAL amount of damage. I'll have to work the face as if I work the body, I'll probably be in for a long day.

I am so confident that I could take down a panda that I am at a loss for words. Let these articles sum up the pandas survival/fighting skills:

Man bites panda after zoo attack

A drunken Chinese tourist says he bit a panda who attacked him after he jumped into a zoo enclosure to "hug" the bear.

Zhang Xinyan, 35, had drunk four draught beers before deciding to enter the Beijing Zoo pen belonging to six-year-old male panda Gu Gu.

The startled Gu Gu bit both legs of his intruder, who responded by biting "the panda on its back", Mr Zhang was quoted by state media as saying.

Mr Zhang said he had not realised pandas could be violent.

He told the Beijing Morning Post that he had come to the Chinese capital "only to see the pandas".

"The seven-hour train ride was exhausting, and I drank bottles of beer when I arrived then had a nap," he added.

Punishment

The newspaper said Mr Zhang had a "sudden urge" to touch Gu Gu with his hand, so he jumped over the waist-high railing into the enclosure.

"When he got closer and was undiscovered, he reached out to hug it," the newspaper added.

Mr Zhang was bitten first on his right leg, and then on his left.

Newspaper photographs showed him lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages over his legs.

"I bit the panda on its back but its fur was too thick," Mr Zhang recalled.

He went on: "No one ever said they would bite people. I just wanted to touch it."

Zoo spokeswoman Ye Mingxia said the panda was unharmed and they were not considering punishing Mr Zhang yet.

"He's suffered quite a bit of a shock," she told the Associated Press by telephone.

And another:

Panda that was released into wild dies

Thu May 31, 5:49 AM ET

The first panda to be released into bamboo forests after being bred in captivity has died, and a Chinese nature preserve official said Thursday it may have fallen from trees while being chased by wild pandas.

The body of Xiang Xiang was found Feb. 19 on snow-covered ground in the forests of Sichuan province in China's southwest, the Xinhua News Agency said. He survived less than a year in the wild after nearly three years of training in survival techniques and defense tactics.

"Xiang Xiang died of serious internal injuries in the left side of his chest and stomach by falling from a high place," Heng Yi, an official from the Wolong Giant Panda Research Center in Sichuan, said in a telephone interview.

"The scratches and other minor injuries caused by other wild pandas were found on his body," he said. "So Xiang Xiang may have fallen from trees when being chased by those pandas."

Heng said the long delay in announcing Xiang Xiang's death was attributed to the need for a full investigation.

"We are all sad about Xiang Xiang, but it doesn't mean the project has failed," Zhang Hemin, the center's head, was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "The lessons we have learnt from what happened to Xiang Xiang will help us adapt and improve the project."

The 176-pound male panda was released from Wolong in April 2006 and had been trained for almost three years on how to survive in the wild. Xiang Xiang, whose name means auspicious, learned how to build a den, forage for food and mark his territory, experts at Wolong have said. He also developed defensive skills such as howling and biting.

According to Li Desheng, deputy director of the Wolong center, Xiang Xiang's case shows that proves that wild panda communities are reluctant to accept male outsiders.

"We chose Xiang Xiang because we thought that a strong male panda would have a better chance of surviving in the harsh natural environment," Li was quoted as saying. "But the other male pandas clearly saw Xiang Xiang as a threat. Next time we will choose a female panda."

State media last year said that Xiang Xiang hesitated for a second when the door of his cage was opened, then scampered off into a nearby bamboo forest where he was tracked by a global positioning device attached to his collar.

He has been buried at the foot of a mountain, about eight miles from the Wolong center, Li said.

There are only about 1,600 wild pandas in the mountain forests of central China — the only place in the world they are found — and more than 180 live in captivity.

Pandas are threatened by loss of habitat, poaching and a low reproduction rate. Females in the wild typically have a cub once every two to three years.

Look at the size of the panda compared to a human:

There you have it. A panda bites a man and instead of panicking or being, oh I don't know, DEAD, the guy BITES THE PANDA BACK! How many bears would let you bite them. I'm going to count one: the panda. I wait to hear your responses because I know someone is going to be like, "but they're bearssssss...wah wah wah."


Do you think you can take down an PANDA? DISCUSS...

The official results will be tallied next Monday night!