Animal #5: The Bald Eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus)
The Facts:
Let us take a look at our nation's national symbol and treasure...me.
The Bald Eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus), also known in the United States as the American Eagle, is a bird of prey found in North America, most recognizable as the national bird of the United States.
The species was on the brink of extirpation in the U.S. late in the twentieth century, but now has a stable population and is in the process of being removed from the U.S. federal government's list of endangered species. The Bald Eagle was officially reclassified from "Endangered" to "Threatened" on July 12, 1995 by the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service. On July 6, 1999, there was a proposal initiated "To Remove the Bald Eagle in the Lower 48 States From the List of Endangered and Threatened Wildlife."[1] It is expected to be delisted by June 29.
Body length ranges from 27 to 40 inches (68-100 cm). Adult females have an average wingspan of about 7 feet (2.1 meters); adult males have a wingspan of 6 ft 6 in (2 meters). Adult females weigh approximately 12.8 lb (5.8 kg), males weigh 9 lb (4.1 kg). The smallest specimens are those from Florida, where an adult male may barely exceed 5 lb (2.3 kg) and a wingspan of 6 feet (1.8 meters). The largest are the Alaskan birds, where large females may exceed 16.5 lb (7.5 kg) and have a wingspan of over 8 feet (2.4 meters).
Eagles sit at the top of the food chain, making them more vulnerable to toxic chemicals in the environment, since each link in the food chain tends to concentrate chemicals from the lower link. Because of their size, they have few enemies and require a large hunting area.
A bald eagle's lifting power is about 4 pounds. They do not generally feed on chickens or other domestic livestock, but they will make use of available food sources. Bald eagles will take advantage of carrion (dead and decaying flesh). Because of its scavenger image, some people dislike the bald eagle. Other people do not care for powerful and aggressive birds. Still other people object merely on the grounds that it is a bird of prey, which kills other animals for food.
Once an eagle spots a fish swimming or floating near the surface of the water, it approaches its prey in a shallow glide and snatches the fish out of the water with a quick swipe of its talons. Eagles can open and close their talons at will. If an eagle is dragged into the water by a fish too large for the eagle to lift, it is because the eagle refuses to release it. In some cases this is due to hunger. An eagle might drown during the encounter with the fish or if it's unable to swim far enough to reach shore. The eagle can not fly again until it's out of the water, so it uses its large wings to swim. The eagle is a strong swimmer, but if the water is very cold, it may be overcome by hypothermia.
The hunting area or home range patrolled by a bald eagle varies from 1,700 to 10,000 acres. Home ranges are smaller where food is present in great quantity. Because of the energy expended during hunting, an eagle has to spend a lot of time resting quietly. It's estimated that only one out of eighteen attacks are successful.
Though not as fast as falcons, bald eagles are fast fliers. When diving, where lift is less important than reaching drag, the eagle pulls in its wings to minimize their surface area.
Tim's Opinion:
Okay, first of all, National Park rangers, there is no chance that I actually mean to go beat up a bald eagle. Homeland Security, by no means am I supporting terrorism or attacking American family values or anything like that. Now that we got that out of the way and I am not a threat to America, let us get on to my opinion!
Originally I thought a bald eagle would kick my ass but the more and more I think about it I believe I could take that little bugger down. Let me first off say that I thought the bird was a little stronger than being able to lift four pounds of meat during flight. Perhaps it's that damn Lord of the Rings movie that made me think they would just pick up and eat me. Turns out, bald eagles aren't all that big. Here's a size comparison for you:
That guy isn't all that big compared to our pudgy bald eagle handler. One thing that's probably deceiving about this picture are the talons. My friendly neighborhood bird expert (thanks Cara!) states that the most dangerous part of the bald eagle is the talon. Take a look at the talon compared to the skull of the bald eagle and the egg of the bald eagle:
The talon is nothing to cough at as my bird expert told me that the talon would definitely rip through something fleshy like a hand with no problem. She also stated that the grip of the bald eagle is like a vice. It would most likely be able to cut off circulation if it grabbed onto to an arm or a leg.I know you are probably looking at the beak but my bird expert told me to worry about the talons before you think about worrying about the beak. Let us take a look at how the bald eagle hunts its favorite food: fish.
For another view on bald eagles, lets see two bald eagles fighting each other (not the best idea when you're endangered):
Alright, let me show you my idiot proof technique to take down the bald eagle and potentially all flying animals. Before I get into my wonderful technique, let us take a moment to realize that a human is exponentially smarter than a bald eagle. You can do complex mathematic equations, conjure up hypothetical situations, etc. (please don't write in that the bald eagle could probably do that, they just haven't been given the opportunity...if you can't do either, fake it. I do.) So using our incredibly useful brain, we are going to turn the bald eagle's best weapons against it.
First of all, we need to protect the vital organs. So what we are going to do is lie down on our back like this:
Instead of lifting your neck off the floor, just use your legs and arms to shield your torso and your head. Keep your head elevated enough to see the eagle but never ever have it raised higher than your legs or arms. DON'T MAKE YOUR HEAD A TARGET! By now, the eagle has hopefully taken off to the skies because if it hasn't just punt the damn thing for being so stupid. Talons are no good if you are walking on them suckah!So while the birdie is circling you, your only goal is to position your body so that your legs are always aligned with the bird and that you can see it at all times. Make the view through your elevated legs a crosshair. Yes, you will look the like world's biggest idiot, but then again, you are fighting a bald eagle.
Now this is the part where your skill and timing come in to play and it will result in one of two ways which can both be beneficial:
Scenario 1: The bird will come flying in and you can just kick out your legs and either a) hit the bird or b) get close enough so you stun it. The second it hits the floor you pretend like its free cupcakes and you jump on the mfer. Poor little bastard only weighs 10lbs. Imagine when your body weight comes crashing down on it. Even if you miss, it's not going to stay around to have a close range battle. It's going to fly up again and try swooping down on you. Rinse repeat until effective.
Scenario 2: This is much much MUCH less fun but highly more probable. While you are in your little tucked position, the eagle makes its descent and you are too slow and it gets a talon on your thigh or your arms. In all likelihood, this eagle is going to clutch on to whatever it grabs so prepare to say goodbye to a limb. My bird expert tells me they have a vice grip and since the talons are freakishly sharp, they will probably just dig into your thigh, calf, forearm, bicep and probably hit a shitload of arteries. Your job, kill him before you pass out due to blood loss or pain.
If he clamps down on your thigh and starts pecking living hell out of it you just get your two hands and clap right on the birds head. Doing something like that on the birds head will probably kill it or disorient it badly enough for you to finish the job. After this, call up the best prosthetics guy because your leg will probably be mangled.
If he clamps down on your forearm or bicep, you have a free arm to wail away on the bird. If you have to BITE IT! It's biting you so you bite it back! Pull a vampire Jack Bauer on American's treasure! Get a little vengeance for all the Nemos of the world. Either way, you punch the birds lights out or you bite it. Hell, if you are flexible enough, use yours legs.
If you think this whole process is too complicated, watch this image to find the perfect way to dispatch a bald eagle:
I gotta say, this plan is near fool proof. The only way this eagle is going to kill you is if it brains you or if it strikes an internal organ. How is the eagle going to get you if you protect these things with your arms and legs?? Sure the eagle is probably smart enough to distinguish your head from your legs but if you were a flying animal and you were dive bombing something, would you go for the flailing limbs on top? I think so.I know some people are gonna bitch and moan about the beak. Go look at every single nature video on youtube and watch that the eagle always ALWAYS leads with the claws. I don't think the eagle is in the lockerroom with John Madden, Larry Brown and Joe Torre game planning on suddenly using the beak after centuries of using the talons to attack its prey. Even still, if it leads with its beak, you still go with the same technique!
Now that my spiel is over with, bring on the comments!
