Animal #3: The Giant Panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca)

The Facts:
Basic info about a sometimes cute, sometimes disgusting teddy bear:

The giant panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca, "black-and-white cat-foot"; Chinese: 大熊貓) is a mammal classified in the bear family, Ursidae, native to central-western and southwestern China.^[1] It is easily recognized by its large, distinctive black patches around the eyes, over the ears, and across its round body. Though belonging to the order Carnivora, the panda has a diet which is 99% bamboo. However, they may eat other foods such as honey, eggs, fish and yams.

The Giant Panda is an endangered animal; an estimated 3,000 pandas live in the wild and over 180 were reported to live in captivity by August 2006 in mainland China(another source by the end of 2006 put the figure for China at 221), with twenty pandas living outside of China. However, reports show that the numbers of wild panda are on the rise.

The giant panda is a favorite of the public, at least partly on account of the fact that the species has an appealing baby-like cuteness that makes it seem to resemble a living teddy bear. The fact that it is usually depicted reclining peacefully eating bamboo, as opposed to hunting, also adds to its image of innocence. Though the giant panda is often assumed docile because of their cuteness, they have been known to attack humans, usually assumed to be out of irritation rather than predatory behavior. However research shows that in cases in which its offspring may be under threat, the panda can and most often will react violently.

The Giant Panda has a very distinctive black-and-white coat. Adults measure around 1.5 m long and around 75 cm tall at the shoulder. Males can weigh up to 115 kg (253 pounds). Females are generally smaller than males, and can occasionally weigh up to 100 kg (220 pounds). Giant Pandas live in mountainous regions, such as Sichuan, Gansu, Shaanxi, and Tibet. While the Chinese dragon has been historically a national emblem for China, since the latter half of the 20th century the Giant Panda has also become an informal national emblem for China. Its image appears on a large number of modern Chinese commemorative silver, gold, and platinum coins.

Until recently, scientists thought giant pandas spent most of their lives alone, with males and females meeting only during the breeding season. Recent studies paint a different picture, in which small groups of pandas share a large territory and sometimes meet outside the breeding season.

Like most subtropical mammals, but unlike most bears, the giant panda does not hibernate.

Despite its taxonomic classification as a carnivore, the panda has a diet that is primarily herbivorous, which consists almost exclusively of bamboo. However, pandas still have the digestive system of a carnivore and do not have the ability to digest cellulose efficiently, and thus derive little energy and little protein from consumption of bamboo. The average Giant Panda eats as much as 20 to 30 pounds of bamboo shoots a day. Because pandas consume a diet low in nutrition, it is important that they keep their digestive tract full.

As the average temperature of the region has increased, the panda has pushed its habitat to a higher altitude and limited available space. Furthermore, the timber profit gained from harvesting bamboo has destroyed a significant portion of the food supply for the wild panda. Because of all these elements the population of wild pandas decreased by 50 percent from 1973-1984 in six areas of Asia.

Twenty-five species of bamboo are eaten by pandas in the wild, but it is hard to live in the remains of a forest and feed on dying plants in a rugged landscape. Only a few bamboo species are widespread at the high altitudes pandas now inhabit. Bamboo leaves contain the highest protein levels; stems have less.

Because of the synchronous flowering, death, and regeneration of all bamboo within a species, pandas must have a least two different species available in their range to avoid starvation. The panda's round face is an adaptation to its bamboo diet. Their powerful jaw muscles attach from the top of the head to the jaw. Large molars crush and grind fibrous plant material. While primarily herbivorous, the panda still retains decidedly ursine teeth, and will eat meat, fish, and eggs when available. In captivity, zoos typically maintain the pandas' bamboo diet, though some will provide specially formulated biscuits or other dietary supplements.
(source = the always reliable wikipedia.org)

Tim's Opinion:

Unlike the coyote and the ostrich, I have intimate knowledge of this animal. I was in China last summer and went to visit the national panda reserve in Chengdu. Let me just tell you, the panda has ZERO chance of killing me in a fight. They are sloths in bear form. These guys just sit on their asses all day and try to look cute. They don't generally look like the crisp, clean white and black that you always see in pictures or in movies. These fools are DIRTY. Most of the pandas we saw were greyish and black. It isn't a very appealing sight. And a majority of the time they are just lounging around, eating bamboo or sleeping. This does not strike terror into my heart.

I'm going to create an equivalent to fighting a the Giant Panda. Do you have someone in your family that is "large?" I'm trying to be as PC as possible about this but do you have someone in your family who just sits on their ass all day, eats Slim Jims and plays video games? So these guys are pushing 250+ and don't really have the most agility. Now imagine that brother, uncle, cousin, etc. drunk off their ass. That is my equivalent to fighting a Giant Panda.

I know what about 99% of you are going to say: "But it's a bear!" Just because it falls under the classification of "bear" doesn't mean it is going to kill me like a polar bear or a grizzly bear would. You have to see these things in action, they are slow, lumbering beast who eat ALL DAY. What do they eat all day?!? BAMBOO! Correct me if I'm wrong but most OTHER bears also fish, hunt and fight for their food. So unless one of these pandas learn kung fu and break off a bamboo stalk and use it as a staff, I'm going to kick the shit out of this panda.

Another fact for those of you who are going to claim the "but it's a bear defense." The panda, at its TALLEST, will be pushing five feet. At it's TALLEST. For everyone that is thinking of a grizzly bear or a brown bear or even a polar bear, lets look at their heights & weights:

Grizzly Bear: 1.7m to 2.8m (5.6 to 9.2 feet!!!)
Polar Bear: 2.4 to 3.0m (7.9 - 10 feet!!!)
Panda Bear: up to 1.5 m (up to 4.8 feet)

Grizzly Bear: 180-680 (400-1500lbs.)
Polar Bears: 300-600kg (660-1320lbs.)
Panda Bear: up to 115kg (253lbs.)

So taking on a panda would be like taking on a polar bear cub. Or a grizzly bear midget (or "little bear" for political correctness.) I really hope a human would be able to take one of these down. Think about your own body mass and height and then realize how short and fat 4.5 feet and 250 pounds is. Then realize they walk on all fours and eat bamboo all day. Please tell me where this vicious idea of a panda comes in. This bear is 4.5 when standing in its HIND LEGS. Which means when it's on all fours it's probably 2 feet tall at the most.

The one issue I'd have is how I'm going to kill the panda...it'd probably have to be the same way as a 250lb. fatty. I'll have to go to town on it for awhile as it can probably take a SUBSTANTIAL amount of damage. I'll have to work the face as if I work the body, I'll probably be in for a long day.

I am so confident that I could take down a panda that I am at a loss for words. Let these articles sum up the pandas survival/fighting skills:

Man bites panda after zoo attack

A drunken Chinese tourist says he bit a panda who attacked him after he jumped into a zoo enclosure to "hug" the bear.

Zhang Xinyan, 35, had drunk four draught beers before deciding to enter the Beijing Zoo pen belonging to six-year-old male panda Gu Gu.

The startled Gu Gu bit both legs of his intruder, who responded by biting "the panda on its back", Mr Zhang was quoted by state media as saying.

Mr Zhang said he had not realised pandas could be violent.

He told the Beijing Morning Post that he had come to the Chinese capital "only to see the pandas".

"The seven-hour train ride was exhausting, and I drank bottles of beer when I arrived then had a nap," he added.

Punishment

The newspaper said Mr Zhang had a "sudden urge" to touch Gu Gu with his hand, so he jumped over the waist-high railing into the enclosure.

"When he got closer and was undiscovered, he reached out to hug it," the newspaper added.

Mr Zhang was bitten first on his right leg, and then on his left.

Newspaper photographs showed him lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages over his legs.

"I bit the panda on its back but its fur was too thick," Mr Zhang recalled.

He went on: "No one ever said they would bite people. I just wanted to touch it."

Zoo spokeswoman Ye Mingxia said the panda was unharmed and they were not considering punishing Mr Zhang yet.

"He's suffered quite a bit of a shock," she told the Associated Press by telephone.

And another:

Panda that was released into wild dies

Thu May 31, 5:49 AM ET

The first panda to be released into bamboo forests after being bred in captivity has died, and a Chinese nature preserve official said Thursday it may have fallen from trees while being chased by wild pandas.

The body of Xiang Xiang was found Feb. 19 on snow-covered ground in the forests of Sichuan province in China's southwest, the Xinhua News Agency said. He survived less than a year in the wild after nearly three years of training in survival techniques and defense tactics.

"Xiang Xiang died of serious internal injuries in the left side of his chest and stomach by falling from a high place," Heng Yi, an official from the Wolong Giant Panda Research Center in Sichuan, said in a telephone interview.

"The scratches and other minor injuries caused by other wild pandas were found on his body," he said. "So Xiang Xiang may have fallen from trees when being chased by those pandas."

Heng said the long delay in announcing Xiang Xiang's death was attributed to the need for a full investigation.

"We are all sad about Xiang Xiang, but it doesn't mean the project has failed," Zhang Hemin, the center's head, was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "The lessons we have learnt from what happened to Xiang Xiang will help us adapt and improve the project."

The 176-pound male panda was released from Wolong in April 2006 and had been trained for almost three years on how to survive in the wild. Xiang Xiang, whose name means auspicious, learned how to build a den, forage for food and mark his territory, experts at Wolong have said. He also developed defensive skills such as howling and biting.

According to Li Desheng, deputy director of the Wolong center, Xiang Xiang's case shows that proves that wild panda communities are reluctant to accept male outsiders.

"We chose Xiang Xiang because we thought that a strong male panda would have a better chance of surviving in the harsh natural environment," Li was quoted as saying. "But the other male pandas clearly saw Xiang Xiang as a threat. Next time we will choose a female panda."

State media last year said that Xiang Xiang hesitated for a second when the door of his cage was opened, then scampered off into a nearby bamboo forest where he was tracked by a global positioning device attached to his collar.

He has been buried at the foot of a mountain, about eight miles from the Wolong center, Li said.

There are only about 1,600 wild pandas in the mountain forests of central China — the only place in the world they are found — and more than 180 live in captivity.

Pandas are threatened by loss of habitat, poaching and a low reproduction rate. Females in the wild typically have a cub once every two to three years.

Look at the size of the panda compared to a human:

There you have it. A panda bites a man and instead of panicking or being, oh I don't know, DEAD, the guy BITES THE PANDA BACK! How many bears would let you bite them. I'm going to count one: the panda. I wait to hear your responses because I know someone is going to be like, "but they're bearssssss...wah wah wah."


Do you think you can take down an PANDA? DISCUSS...

The official results will be tallied next Monday night!

RESULTS: Animal #2 - The Ostrich

Results from Discussion and the Poll

The poll states that there is a tie! 2 have voted for beating ostrich, while 2 have voted against beating an ostrich. (NEED MORE PEOPLE VOTING!)

Here are some excerpts from the discussion on "Man vs. Ostrich

The legs. Those ostriches run really god damn fast. So imagine if one was able to kick / claw at you. One kick to the chest, and it would run away and leave you to die. Either that, or it would rend your freakin arm off with a swipe. -paul


Also, an ostrich kick can kill a lion. And yes, it does kick forward rather than backward. Avian anatomy is different from mammal anatomy. The visible part of the leg is actually the shin and the foot -- they walk on their toes only. Their knees work exactly like ours, but they're obscured from view by those feathers. So, do not belittle the ostrich kick, or you may end up like this guy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=6od-uYSZIkc

In summation, I conclude that an ostrich could kick my ass any day. They're taller, heavier, and faster than me. I wouldn't mess with that shit. Also, they don't have a bladder. Not only would it kick my ass but I'd be covered in excrement. I'll pass on that one. -Cara

Conclusion!!1!

In terms of a tie, we have to go through the "expert" testimonial from our "experts." Seeing how I know Cara has actually taken classes in avian anatomy and has studied birds much more deeply than I, I have to weigh her comments/opinions much more heavily than my own. (Of course I have absolutely no expertise regarding any of these animals but I like to pretend to.)

Right now, I'm still having a hard time believing that an ostrich would be able take me down in one-on-one combat. But I am definitely in the minority here. And again, I have never EVER taken classes in avian physiology, behavior, etc., so I am definitely going with what Cara said. My only issue is that they may have all the mechanics to physically destroy, I just hear far too many anecdotes about ostriches being more cowardly than aggressive. I keep on thinking back to the head in the sand and running away from baby zebras. But, You vs. the Zoo will break this tie and rule in favor of the ostrich by a close, CLOSE margin.

Odds-wise, I'm looking at 40-60 (human-ostrich).

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE OSTRICH! Nature goes to prove that even if you are hideous and freaky looking, you probably have some other special skill to help you out there in nature!

You (1) - The Zoo (1)

Animal #2: The Ostrich (Struthio camelus)

The Facts:
Basic information about a big, ugly chicken (Yes, I am talking shit to an ostrich):

The Ostrich (Struthio camelus) is a flightless bird native to Africa. It is the only living species of its family, Struthionidae, and its genus, Struthio. It is distinctive in its appearance, with a long neck and legs and the ability to run at speeds of about 65 km/h (40 mph), the top landspeed of any bird.

Ostriches usually weigh from 93 to 130 kg (200 to 285 pounds), although some male ostriches have been recorded with weights of up to 155 kg (340 pounds). The feathers of adult males are mostly black, with some white on the wings and tail. Their eyes are larger than their brains.

At sexual maturity (two to four years old), male Ostriches can be between 1.8 m and 2.7 m (6 feet and 9 feet) in height, while female Ostriches range from 1.7 m to 2 m (5.5 ft to 6.5 ft). During the first year of life, chicks grow about 25 cm (10 inches) per month. At one year, ostriches weigh around 45 kg (100 pounds). An Ostrich can live up to 75 years.

Ostriches are the largest living species of bird and are farmed in many areas all over the world. The scientific name for the Ostrich is from the Greek for "camel sparrow" in allusion to its long neck.

Ostriches live in nomadic groups of 5 to 50 birds that often travel together with other grazing animals, such as zebras or antelopes. They mainly feed on seeds and other plant matter; occasionally they also eat insects such as locusts. Lacking teeth, they swallow pebbles that help as gastroliths to grind the swallowed foodstuff in the gizzard. An adult ostrich typically carries about 1 kg of stones in its stomach. Ostriches can go without water for a long time, exclusively living off the moisture in the ingested plants. However, they enjoy water and frequently take baths.

With their acute eyesight and hearing, they can sense predators such as lions from far away. When being pursued by a predator, Ostriches have been known to reach speeds in excess of 70 km per hour (45 miles per hour), and can maintain a steady speed of 50 km per hour (30 miles per hour).

Ostriches are known to eat almost anything (dietary indiscretion), particularly in captivity where opportunity is increased.

When lying down and hiding from predators, the birds lay their head and neck flat on the ground, making them appear as a mound of earth from a distance. This even works for the males, as they hold their wings and tail low so that the heat haze of the hot, dry air that often occurs in their habitat aids in making them appear as a nondescript dark lump. When threatened, Ostriches run away, but they can cause serious injury with kicks from their powerful legs. (source the always reliable wikipedia.org)

Tim's Opinion:

Alright, I gotta say that an ostrich is much more intimidating than a coyote. Let's look at the physical attributes. An ostrich it anywhere from 6 feet tall to 9 feet tall? Umm...yeah, that's kind of intimidating knowing that even if I fight a midget ostrich, it'll be the right height to just poke me right in the eye. (For those of you who know me well, I'm terrified of having anything bad happen to my eyes. ) And just think it's 9 feet tall. 9 FEET TALL! That means if I want to punch it in the face, I gotta get my Reebok Pumps on, pump those bad boys up, stretch a little and then leap with all my might to just punch a damn ostrich in the face. That's a lot of work to sucker punch an ostrich.

Another thing! The ostrich weighs anywhere from 200 to 300 pounds? Another negative for the human side. Although America features many 200 to 300 pound people, they don't seem to be in the same shape an ostrich is. The 200 to 300 pound people of America definitely cannot run 40 MPH. So you have a 200+ lb. beast who can run 40mph. Sounds intimidating since I don't think the whole punching it until it submits approach will work. The coyote was 30 pounds and wouldn't have been able to take a beating. However, an ostrich would be able to take more of a beating and counter attack. It's probably like a big, feathery punching bag that could peck you into submission.

Let's look at how an ostrich could potentially kill me. The ostrich could peck me to death. I'm not sure how hard an ostrich pecks but I imagine, it can probably get enough force behind that long neck to equal a pretty healthy punch. And this punch has a beak at the end of it which probably adds to the pain coefficient (hurh?). I'd guess an ostrich would have to peck me on the head and the chest the same way a boxer would punch me until I got knocked out. Then once I'm down and out, it could trample me with it's 200lb.+ body and massive drumsticks. It also could kick me but it seems to have the type of legs that have a very nice back kick but not too much of a front kick. So as long as I'm in front of it, I don't have to worry about those legs.

Now here's where it gets interesting. An ostrich could not and would not take me out. It's main diet are "seeds and other plant matter." SEEDS AND OTHER PLANT MATTER?!? And I'm supposed to be afraid of this thing? Come on! How can you stand nine feet tall and eat seeds? If I were nine feet tall I'd eat things that were slightly less than nine feet tall! Let us put it in some simple language, the ostrich is a coward. How many cartoons have you seen of an ostrich putting its head into a hole when it is scared. Come on. A coyote would at least fight me. If I jumped around, made a bunch of noise and basically scared the living shit out of it I think an ostrich would get scared, stick its head into a hole and the you would see me step on the back of the poor bird's neck. Game over, tip your waitresses.

Other weak spots of the "camel sparrow." It's got really long legs apart from its rather thick and meaty body. What does that mean? Well, let's take another look at a freak of nature. The Golden State Warriors had a player on their team during the 1990s named Manute Bol. He was 7'7 and about 95 pounds. Let me tell you, those 95 pounds were all in his torso as his legs looked like toothpicks. If you wanted to take him down, you could give me a nice little chop block to the legs and he'd be down on the ground and out for the count. Could you do this to an ostrich? I say, without a doubt, "YES!" Sweep the legs Johnny! Once the ostrich is off its feet and on its ass, I think it's nighty night for the ostrich.

How would you kill the ostrich you ask? Let's look at the ostrich. Probably could not beat the stuffing out of it because it looks pretty meaty. So unlike the coyote, pure strength and size isn't going to win this fight. What will win this fight? Man's sadistic side. Man looks at an ostrich and sees: a) long neck b) long legs. What does that equal? Two related targets. You take out the ostrich's legs anyway of your choosing. Let's remember you don't need to apply much pressure directly to a kneecap to break it (think Joe Theisman). Once you take out the ostrich's legs, it'll be immobile. It doesn't use its wings for much and I don't think it's gonna do much damage with them. So now you have a sitting duck, so to speak, and you can just jump on its back and attack that freakishly long neck of its. Feel free to do the Jet Li/Jack Bauer neck snap or throw on a sleeper hold on that son of a bitch. Or since it is just sitting there, just jump on its back like it's a trampoline until you hear a "CRACK!".

Obviously, the key to this battle is being able to take out the ostrich's legs. Once you have it grounded, this fight is over. I don't think the ostrich's ability to run 40mph really affects you because you are not on the Savannah. It uses its speed as a defense mechanism not as an offensive tool. So what you have to worry about: a) getting caught by a kick because it looks like a blow from those legs will knock you out; b) getting pecked in somewhere vital. It doesn't seem like ostrich really uses its beak as an offensive weapon against predators but hell, getting poked in the throat or in the eye or in the gut a couple too many times would probably drop you for awhile...long enough for it to sit on you; c) it somehow getting the idea that it could run at you at 40mph and just tackle you. Here's the problem with this idea, the ostrich's brain is smaller than its eye. I don't think it's gonna get too make bright ideas (says the boy discussing whether he could beat up an ostrich). Get some ranch sauce because this big chicken is getting fried...or broiled, whatever.


A little baby zebra chases off an ostrich. Let's remember, a zebra is basically Africa's cow...mmmm double bacon zebra burger.



Comparison in size of ostrich vs man. (looks like a small female ostrich, otherwise those are the tallest damn Asian people ever.)



Do you think you can take down an ostrich? DISCUSS...

The official results will be tallied next Monday night!

RESULTS: Animal #1 - The Coyote

Results from Discussion and the Poll

In a landslide victory, 8 individuals voted that they could kill a coyote while only 1 voted that they could not.

Here are some excerpts from the discussion on "Man vs. Coyote"

i'll proceed to snap each of it little limbs into a few piece, kick it in its rib cage and rip its eyeballs out of the damn thing's sockets. i'll manage a few coyote bites. they'll be nothing but superficial scratches. It'll be taken care off by some neosporin and a few glow-in-the-dark disney bandaids

jeremy kick coyote ass, mangg.
-jeremy


I think for me, i would sacrifice a little of my belly blubber, let the coyote bite me in the stomach and hold on for dear life, as tim said a coyote would, and then beat the shit out of it. Maybe poke its eyes out or something.

In the end, its a win-win situation... i beat the coyote, and i won't have to pay for liposuction!!!
-sapan

Pro-me-kicking-ass:
Coyotes don't have the reach my leg does, I think I could get some kicks in on it, really anywhere and I think I could wear it down. Sure it might bite my foot, but in a life or death situation, I feel I could keep kicking with a bit foot.
-andrew


I think the shock and resulting adrenaline would allow you to destroy the coyote before you passed out. Though I am sure the sight of a tattered groin area would take care of that right away.

Either that, or you would black out, and then wake up with a dead coyote next to you.

So basically, even after groin bite, I think the coyote still dies.
-paul


If you've got a coyote in a ring, its going to fight like a cornered animal, not like a crafty predator. The person is the predator in this situation. If you are in a fight with any animal that isn't a pushover you are going to get hurt in some way, its just a question of how badly. A coyote simply can't inflict a lethal amount of damage to an adult human in decent physical condition.
-marc

Conclusion!!1!

Wile E. Coyote is waving good bye because he knows that coyotes do not stand a chance against road runners, much less humans.

From our "expert" panel of commentators and judges, the coyote is just too small and too fragile to compete against a fully grown human. The coyote, while potentially dangerous, would have to get extremely lucky to injure a human in an area where they could not recover from. We are talking about a bite to the neck. Since coyotes average a height of 2 feet tall, they will have to jump roughly 3 - 4 feet in the air to be able to attack the throat. While attacking the crotch may have its benefits, some have stated that a bite to the crotch may only make them go into a beserker mode and kill the poor coyote ruthlessly.

Also stated is that a coyote can only bite and therefore only has one weapon/one defense tool. If the coyote strikes first, our commentators have assumed that you will either be bitten in the thigh or the arm leaving three of the four human appendages free to attack the coyote. Seeing how the coyote is only 30lbs, they believe the force they can put behind a punch/kick is suffice to injure and kill a coyote.

Therefore, the coyote is the first entry in the "Evolution Hasn't Done Shit for Me Lately!!!" contest.

You (1) - The Zoo (0)

Animal #1: The Coyote (Canis latrans)

The Facts:

Let's start with the animal that inspired the discussion topic: the coyote. Here is some basic information on the coyote:

Coyotes are native to North America and are found from Alaska to Panama. European explorers first encountered these canines during their travels in the American Southwest. They may occasionally assemble in small packs, but generally hunt alone. Coyotes live an average of 6 to 10 years.

The coyote stands less than 0.6 meters (2 ft) tall and varies in color from white-gray to tan with sometimes a reddish tint to its coat. A coyote's ears and nose appear long and pointed, especially in relation to the size of its head. It weighs between 9 and 22 kilograms (20–50 lb), averaging 14 kilograms (31 lb).

Their behavior can vary widely depending on where they live, but in general they live in packs yet hunt singly in search of small mammals including rabbits, mice, shrews, voles, squirrels, grouse, carrion, insects and sometimes sheep, and fish. In areas where coyotes and deer co-exist, an adult coyote will typically prey on one fawn per year. The majority of deer found in coyote scats comes from carrion, such as road-killed and hunter-killed deer or victims of starvation or disease (Morey 2004). The coyote is an omnivore and adapts its diet to the available food sources including fruits, grasses, and vegetables along with small mammals and even trash.
(source: wikipedia.org =p)

Tim's Opinion:
Come on, a coyote doesn't look all that scary. Sure, it may have a few sharp teeth and animal instincts but look how it hunts! It just hops around like a little ballerina! (No offense ballerinas, I know you are all an incredibly tough bunch...and flexible) Besides the teeth, the coyote looks like a little doggie. I mean would it be really that hard to take down a coyote? Let's look at its stats: it's 30 lbs and roughly 2 feet tall. So I got about 4 feet and 150 pounds on this thing.

In reality, how is the coyote gonna kill me. It can only go for two vital areas, the throat or the face...well three if we count the most important vital area... Well I guess he could bite me in the leg but that bite in the leg would have to make me fall to ensure that I don't start wailing on it with my two free hands while it's tearing in to my meaty calf...hell, even if I fell, the coyote better hope I don't FALL ON IT. The coyote is 30 LBS. Think about that 30lbs. You can curl that with one arm. I don't think a 30 lb creature could stand a barrage of punches to the ribs from a human or my fat ass falling on it. Call me crazy.

Also, all it uses is its mouth. It's not gonna pounce on me unless it's going to jump five feet in the air and land directly on my shoulders and then proceed to vampire bite me in the neck. It's only tool is its teeth because if it tries to swipe at me with its paws, it'll be hitting nothing but SHIN. It sucks to get hit in the shin but it won't kill me...just greatly annoy me. On the flipside us humans will kick, punch, headbutt, bite, eye poke, chokeslam, etc. So as long as I avoid being bitten in the neck, face or crotch, I think I could possibly kill a coyote before it killed me. I'm not giving myself great odds however, but I think it's fair to say it'd be a pretty entertaining fight.



Here's a coyote hunting field mice in the Marin Headlands.

Do you think you can take down a coyote? DISCUSS...

The official results will be tallied Tuesday night!

Welcome to the "You vs the Zoo": An Introduction

Welcome to the premiere place on the internet where intelligent people discuss the ability or inability to kill a wild animal. This discussion topic was inspired by the inspiring award-winning movie "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle." (I'm sure it won an award somewhere...probably at some cannabis club but still...an award is an award.)

In one scene, Harold and Kumar have just dodged a ravenous raccoon but find themselves lost in the forests of New York New Jersey (credit to Hoy Hoy). Harold hears a coyote's howl and becomes nervous but Kumar reassures Harold:

Harold: "What was that?"
Kumar: "Probably just a coyote."
Harold: "Aren't people supposed to be scared of coyotes?"
Kumar: "Naw, that's just 'cause they sound scary, man. In one-on-one combat, either of us could take down a coyote, no problem."
Harold: "What?!"

Here is a.mp3 version of the conversation (credit to www.gotwavs.com)

This dialogue has given birth to a discussion topic that has spread across the land: "What animal could a human beat in one-on-one-combat?" This question may sound stupid to begin with but you will find yourself racking your brain, calling long lost college roommates and yelling at spouses for thinking that they could kill a raccoon.

Start this conversation up at work, ask the hot girl at reception and I guarantee you will get some sort of response. Come back and report back here! No registration is required to post or respond to other people's opinions.